We the founders of Boston Band Crush decided not to attend the Boston Music Awards last night because, though we were thrilled for the Boston acts who were nominated (and won!), we felt many many other very worthy Boston acts were left out, while once again many acts that are at best baaaaarely connected to the Boston scene were given nods. Likewise, we felt that the system for selecting the winners was flawed. We could go on...
But instead, because we love you all very very much and think you're all very worthy, we've got some Boston BAND CRUSH Music Awards of our own...
Best Advice for Cheap Thrills: Cheap Thrills
Best Afterparty Host: Just Bill
Best Almanac Not Made By An Old Farmer: Bradley's Almanac
Best Animal Lover: Carmelita
Best Attempt to Play In Every Single Boston Band: Chris Barrett, Jim Collins (tie with 537 each)
Best Balloons: The Sun Lee Sunbeam
Best Bartender: Mike at TT's
Best Body Parts: Hands and Knees
Best Booty-Shakers: Lovewhip
Best Bowling League Captain: Dave Virr
Best Brand-Spankin' New Venue: The Rosebud
Best Clash: Televandals
Best Combination of Orange and July: Oranjuly
Best Communists: The Daily Pravda
Least Congenial Body of Water: Mean Creek
Best Contact High: Drug Rug, Black Fortress of Opium (tie)
Best Costumes: Sidewalk Driver
Best Creative Use of Caps Lock: MEandJOANCOLLINS
Best Crosswords: Brendan Emmett Quigley
Best Cupcakes: Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling
Daft Punk is Playing at Their House: The Fatal Flaw
Daft Punk is NOT Playing at Their House: The Gentlemen
Best Door Gal: Colleen at The Middle East
Best Door Guy: David at Church
Best Dressed: Sarah RabDAU and Self-Employed Assassins
Best Drums Drums: Magic Magic
Best Ex-Car: Greg Hawkes
Best Facebook Timewasters: Brownboot (individual efforts by Rod Van Stoli and Jim Zavadoski in particular)
Best Flyering: Ben at Extinguish Boston
Best Glow-In-The-Dark: The Diamond Mines
Best Guitar Face: Alex Necochea of Township/Bang Camaro
Mejor Pelo: Muy Cansado
Best Hair-Styling DJ: Anngelle Wood
Best Handout: Gene Dante and the Future Starlets (packet w/ branded lip balm, condom & stickers)
Best Hats & Shades: Dan Nicklin
Best Headbands: You Can Be a Wesley
Best Height Range: The Beatings
Best Holidad Festivaler: Will Dailey
Best Homemade Album Packaging: Antiques
Best Jakes: Jake and the Jakes
Best Joni Mitchell: John Powhida
Best Jurassic Band: Brontosaur
Best Leggings: The New Collisions
Best Lip Sync: Apple Betty
Best Locale-Based Bad Guys: LA Mob, Summer Villains (tie)
Best Loft Parties: Audrey Ryan
Best-Looking Bass Guitar: Kingsley Flood
Best Manager: Annie*Rock
Best Mando-Rocker: Jimmy Ryan
Best Merch Booth: The Lights Out
Best Mic Swallowing: Duncan Wilder Johnson
Best Microphone Stand Abuse: Ad Frank & the Fast Easy Women
Best Microphone Stand Abuse Receiver: Maria Ciampa
Best Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Cover: Feedback
Best Military Band: Phil Aiken Army
Best Mirabella Brother: Dave, Mike (tie)
Most Philosophical Name: Ketman
Most Scandalous Rumble Win Acceptance "Speech" (or, Best Kissers): The Luxury
Best Musings on Music and Technology: Zed=Zee
Best Name Change Ceremony: Gravehaven becomes Roman Traffic on Boston Emissions
Best Name That's Almost A Director: Cassavettes
Best Name That's Almost Vagina: Vagiant
Best Non-Boston Honorable Mention Boston Band: Golden Bloom
Best Non-Typical Galaxy: Ho-Ag
Best Orchestra: Tony the Bookie Orchestra
Best Other Sophie: Highly Personal Trash
Best Pedal Board Labeling: Static of the Gods
Best Personification of Attire: Pants Yell
Best Podcast: Band in Boston
Best Psychics: Jim's Big Ego
Best Rapper: Doug Fuller
Best Replacement for The Replacements: The Dirty Truckers
Best Robots: The Cinnamon Fuzz
Best Saints: St. Helena, Jordan Valentine and the Sunday Saints (tie)
Best Scientist Rockers: Electric Laser People, Joe DeGeorge (tie)
Best Seafoam-Green Sportcoats: Jenny Dee and the Deelinquents
Best Self-Proclaimed Best: Jason Anderson and the Best
Best 17-Part Harmonies: The Everyday Visuals
Best Show Promotion: The New Dumb
Best Snow Suits: The Main Drag
Best Sooz: Sooz
Best String Breaker: Shoney Lamar
Best Sunday Night Series: Sea Monsters at Precinct
Best Super-Trio: Mascara
Best T-Shirt Saturation: Ryan's Smashing Life
Best Tenth Anniversary: Freezepop
Best Thing Since Scamper: The Future Everybody
Worst Thing Since Scamper: Brendan Boogie
Best Thing Since Wargasm: Gozu
Best Thing To Look Forward To in 2010: Naked on Roller Skates
Best Ties: The Motion Sick
Best Tour Manager: Autumn Pincus
Best Use of Baby Powder: Death of the Cool
Best Use of Black and Red: Aloud
Best Use of Johnny Arguedas: The Sneaks
Best Use of the Letter U: Kuuluuko
Best Unrefined Sugar From Palm Sap: Jaggery
Best Vanya: Michael Marotta
Best Vocal Coach: Lauren Flaherty
Best Year-Long Commitment: Father Abraham
Best Yule Ball Throwers (Five Years and Counting!): Harry and the Potters
Best 1: #1 Dad
Best 2: Julie Two-Times
Best 3: Three Day Threshold
Best 4: For Amie
Best 5: Logan 5 and the Runners
Best 6: Shawn Sixx
Best 7: Blizzard of '78
Best 8: Blizzard of '78
Best 9: Violet Nine
Best 28: 28 Degrees Taurus
If your band (or your favorite band) didn't make our list, leave a comment and tell us what they are best at. You're all the best in our book.
41 comments:
I feel obligated to point out that The Lights Out stole the merch booth idea squarely from The Luxury, Japan-style - they took our idea, made it smaller and better, and sold it back to the world.
My first music award, ever.
I feel obligated to dispute Jason's claim as their merch booth has neither a listening station, nor is it self service which was the whole point of TLO's merch booth.
I second the cupcakes.
And Collins, brutha, I'ma overtake you in the amount of bands next year. I've formed three more in the time it took me to type this!
Best Honorable Mention: Brendan Haley.
Now this is an awards presentation I can get behind! I am honored.
Although, truth be told, I was really shooting for 'Best Sooz'. There's always next year. Watch your back, Sooz!
Highest combined ages of band members -- Eddie Japan (254)
Checkhov ain't got shit on me!
Sniff...you like me, you really like me!!
Thanks for the award. Here's my acceptance speech:
Aloud rocks.
Thank you.
Annie
While flattered (on TFE's behalf) to receive "Best Thing Since Scamper," I think the Scamper Reunion this past April might feel a little put out.
This is one kickass list. And not just because I'm on it.
Well yeah, because I'm on it.
i think the luxury deserves a mention for their merch booth too... Steve carved that shit with his own two hands!
though, i can live with being engaged to one of the best kissers in boston rock :)
Have to say Township for best hair!
Most Comments Ever Award: This Post!
lulz
I would like to thank Jim Zavadoski for
NOTHING
I have better things to do with my time than to thank people.
I'll be on Facebook.
This is awesome. And hilarious. A good combo ;)
Brad -- Good luck!
Parumph. I didn't come to this award ceremony to be insulted. It's the 1983 Cable Ace Awards all over again. Fuck you, Gil Gerard!
Township for best hair? Pfft, no way. I clearly have that award in the bag.
Thank you for recognizing Tad's fabulous costumes. The rest of us were concerned that no one was noticing him on stage.
Thanks(gushing), and nice try, i'm still not telling!!
This was a great awards list where everyone got exactly what they deserved.
I would think Walter Sickert for best mustache - or hottest bunnies or youngest band leader (21) who looks like the oldest...
I'll have you know that Luxury fans are pretty fair kissers too.
Don't forget The Highway, the hardest band to find on a google search xD
...what, no Best Pedal Steel player.....??
..or even best beard....
I think Bryn from Bang Camaro should be up for best new beard.
Ohh Jaggery NICE!!! and I see a comment about Walter! I agree! His Mustache should win awards!! Maybe his dreads too!!!!
The Lights Out- Best band to start a Slush Puppy mob and shut down a convenience store
THE VITAL MIGHT has been all about the vests lately. Best Vests!
Ken Cmar should have won for Bowling Captain, since the league wouldn`t have existed without him and Alvan. Plus, I`m disappointed that I didn`t get most infamous sceenster.
Dead Cats Dead Rats: Ties Carmelita on animal appreciation
Best noise band that's not a noise band: The Grownup Noise
Seriously though, the best list ever for something that is truly "The Boston Music Awards"!
Boston Band most acts are scared to play shows with: TEN FOOT POLECATS
All i have to say is: Hot Damn! Honored to be awarded best bartender for such an exciting music city. Finally won something...
silly gillman best puppet in boston
oh man, I am slow on the uptake must be all that time I spend on Roller Skates Naked.. but BIG thanks :)
Rock on in 20 10!!!
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